Four Times The Twins Failed to Matchmake
by RicardianScholar Clark-Weasley
Summary: and the one time they succeeded. The Twins and Buttercup are determined to get Uncle Tom and Auntie Rose together but everything just ends up in disaster...as usual


**1. The Cupboard Cliché:**

Buttercup (he hated that name but everyone in the family called him that even though they tried not to) bit his lip nervously as he glanced at the locked cupboard door and then back to his younger twin sisters. "I think she died," he said glancing back at the cupboard.

"Don't be silly," Juniper snorted.

"She's just biding her time so when we let her out," Jassy continued.

"She'll strangle us," Juniper finished.

"Damn right I will," his aunt muttered from behind the door.

They all shuddered but kept quiet as they waited for Uncle Tom to come up the stairs. It was the perfectly classic plot the twins reassured Buttercup, they would know better than him because they watched Mummy's romance movies when he's playing football with Daddy. They end up all over one another when trapped in a small dark space and there was nothing smaller than the cupboard next to the bathroom.

Uncle Tom wasn't really their Uncle Tom he was just Uncle Indy's best friend just like Uncle David was but it was plain to see Auntie Rose was in love with Uncle Tom and Uncle Tom was in love with Auntie Rose. Now if they stopped arguing and started kissing then everyone could live happily ever after and they would get more cousins (they only have future cousins right now as Auntie Sarah looked like she was ready to pop any second).

"He's coming!" Juniper hissed excitedly.

Buttercup fidgeted as Uncle Tom came up the stairs with a great big grin. "Ah here's double trouble and the good one," he said his usual greeting to the three of them. "What evil plot have the twins dragged you into this time, Butter-err I mean Carlos?"

"NOW!" the twins shouted.

Buttercup quickly, but guiltily opened the cupboard door as the twins pushed Uncle Tom inside. He was just about to shut the door on his aunt and uncle when Uncle Tom's face slammed against the boiled and he fell back unconscious.

"Uh-oh," the Twins gulped.

Auntie Rose climbed out from under the boiler. It always amused the twins and Buttercup at how small their youngest aunt was as she stood her full height barely a foot taller than Buttercup. She looked down at Uncle Tom with a raised eyebrow and then back at the three of them, crossing her arms like Auntie Saffy, Auntie Sarah, and Granddad would do when they're really angry.

"I hope you learnt your lesson," she said sternly, Jassy was about to say something when she continued in a louder voice, "And no I won't kiss him better. Call the ambulance and explain to Uncle Indy why his best friend is bleeding."

They were grounded for two weeks after that.

**2. Handcuffs:**

Jassy and Juniper are an odd pair but there was something to be said about them buying proper steel handcuffs from a grown-up shop. Buttercup stared at his twin seven year old sisters in horror as they held the shiny silver pair up before him.

"How did you get away with buying that?"

"We didn't buy it," Jassy snorted.

"Don't tell me you've started shop lifting! Granddad would kill you let alone Mum and Dad!"

"We did steal them," Juniper admitted, "but not from a shop."

"We stole them from Uncle Indy and Auntie Sarah," Jassy whispered.

Now that was an image, idea, and thought that Buttercup did not need in his life. Quickly suppressing it with a shudder he turned back to the subject at hand. "But how are we going to 'cuff Auntie Rose and Uncle Tom together?"

"We're not," Jassy said.

"You are," Juniper continued.

"We're distracting them," they said in unison.

Buttercup groaned as his insane twin sisters dragged him into another insane scheme. It worked rather well at first, they started a huge screaming match in front of everyone making them all look at them while Buttercup snuck behind Auntie Rose and Uncle Tom (who were really, really close, practically touching, Buttercup swears their hands kept missing each other as they slowly swung back and forth) and clamped the cold metal things round their wrists.

"What the-" Uncle Tom suddenly closed his mouth as Auntie Rose narrowed her eyes.

"Buttercup," she said warningly.

Terrified of the scary look his aunt was giving as well as fear of being in trouble for stealing Buttercup did the only thing to make sure his plan would work and his punishment be forgotten...

He swallowed the key.

The horrified looks on his parents, grandparents, uncles and aunts faces were enough to tell him that being told off was all forgotten.

The rest of the day was really funny when Auntie Rose tried to go one way and Uncle Tom the other and they ended up bashing into one another. and then they had to go to the bathroom together and there were really, really funny moments when Uncle Tom moved his arm to quickly or hard and Auntie Rose suddenly fell into his lap or when she did the same and Uncle Tom landed face first into her chest.

They looked really funny bright red since they were both usually rather white.

Buttercup stopped enjoying it when he suddenly came down with the bad case of the runs after dinner and once he had finished, Auntie Rose suddenly burst into the toiler with a pair of rubber gloves and an evil grin on her face.

Buttercup though Child Cruelty was illegal.

("Yes, well so is stealing from your Uncle and Aunt, handcuffing your other Uncle and Aunt, and being naughty in general but that didn't stop you did it?")

**3. Secret Admirer:**

Jassy and Juniper huffed and puffed looking scarily alike to Auntie Rose. All three of them worked hard on the two love poems that were going to be from a 'secret admirer' and of course Uncle Tom would think Auntie Rose sent his while Auntie Rose would think Uncle Tom sent hers and they would confess their undying love and get married and give them cousins!

Instead Uncle Tom roared in laughter when he read his and Auntie Rose kept giggling whenever she saw Uncle Tom.

"I knew your rhyming was terrible but this takes the cake," she said between bursts of giggles.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Uncle Tom said angrily.

The twins got upset as Uncle Tom and Auntie Rose started arguing, mostly about Uncle Tom's terrible song-writing skills, partly because Auntie Rose firmly believed that a musician is not an artist no matter what Uncle Tom said, and then lastly over the childishness of Auntie Rose because she still sometimes writes in crayons.

Buttercup was still upset about the handcuff incident that he had refused to help them. Urgh big brother they always spoil the fun.

**4. Cupid:**

Juniper fiddled with her toy bow and arrows that Auntie Saffy got her from the castle. It was a fun day out with just Auntie Saffy and they went to a castle in Wales, where women were dressed in pretty dresses and men tried to push each other of their horses with very long sticks. Buttercup got himself a toy sword and shield and Jassy settled with a set of pretty dragon models while Juniper had decided she would be the next Robin Hood.

Now she was going to be the next Cupid, she had even put on her white fairy wings on and was leaning out of the window carefully reading her arrow.

If she did this right then Auntie Rose and Uncle Tom will fall into each other's arms like Uncle Indy and Auntie Sarah do all the time.

She saw Auntie Rose talking to Granddad and Uncle Tom wasn't that far away; seizing her chance Juniper released the bow...

...and winced when the toy arrow hit Granddad in the eye...

...erm oops?

**And the one time they succeeded:**

"Honestly you three," Rose murmured the next day, "I swear you are trying to drive me insane."

"We won't stop until you're with Uncle Tom!"Jassy declared, rather bravely considering Rose is scary as hell when she's mad.

She can't help but like these kids even if they're trying to drive her insane or just kill them all going by yesterday's incident with the arrow...

"Ok, I won't get you into more trouble," Rose said, "But only if you leave me and Uncle Tom alone."

"No deal," Juniper said crossing her arms and shaking her head, "We will only leave you and Uncle Tom alone if you kiss."

Rose smirked, "a kiss you say?"

She could do a kiss. A quick peck on Tom's cheek and the children would let everyone rest in peace. Sarah was getting rather nasty because she's certain the children would accidentally push her down the stairs thinking she's Tom or Rose and kill her future children. Daddy was just being moody because of his eye and Michael and Caddy were obviously just suffering.

Well good it was their fault making the evil children in the first place.

"On the lips," Buttercup said quickly, probably knowing what Rose was thinking.

Damn smart kid, he got that from Michael there was no way Caddy was that sneaky and smart. "Fine," Rose grumbled. "I'll kiss your Uncle Tom on the lips and you leave us alone, deal?"

"Deal," they all agreed and shook hands on it.

She called Tom into the living room and he wandered in looking adorably oblivious (no he didn't! Stop thinking that, Tom is a great big American pig!) And she took a great deep breath before grabbing him by the collar and pulling him down to her height before planting her lips over his.

One, two, three, right time to pull away, four, five, six...

Why is he kissing back?

Why is his hand in her hair and he's making it hard for her to move away?

Why does it feel so good? Warm, soft, and downright perfect?

(Don't tell him that he'll just get a big head.)

Why was she responding?

Why was she wrapping her arms around his shoulders and keeping him close to her?

When did he put his tongue in her mouth and why does she like it so much to the point she was moaning?

Why is she jumping into his arms and his wrapping her legs round his waist?

When did they get to the sofa?

Where did the children go?

Oh, what the hell! She was enjoying this very much as Tom was very, very, very good with his mouth and hands and had just made her t-shirt disappear without having to take his lips off of hers for more than a second.

She just liked kissing him back, playing with his soft floppy hair with her hands, and keeping her legs wrapped round his waist so he can't escape and run away (like he tended to do sometimes) and she just wanted more of it.

More touching, more contact, more kissing, just more Tom. She wondered if she could get him closer than they already are.

She didn't get more though because Bloody Daddy had to walk into the living room at this point and shout at them for setting a bad example. He went bright red and Rose almost thought he was going to have a heart attack right there and then.

Oh well, Tom gave her a look that promised they would finish this later when they were on their own.

She sent him one back promising they would then do it again, again, and again, and then several thousand more times until they die or she killed him because he did something stupid.

It was bound to be the latter one but who cares? She has some early Christmas shopping to do because if there's anyone who deserves expensive, fantastic, and amazing gifts it was Buttercup and the Twins.

And then she'll kiss Tom some more just 'cause she can.


End file.
